that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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