I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
