Who wears a wallet chain?!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
