Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
