My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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