I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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