She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
