Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
