He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
