R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
