just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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