i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
