based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize