Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
