It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
