I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
