ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize