he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize