just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize