I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
