i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We got so high we made milksteak
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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