i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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