u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
