The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
