We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
