Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
