i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
