guys are not supposed to queef...right?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
