John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
