I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
