sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
