I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
