A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
