I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
