John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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