Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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