i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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