Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
