I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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