Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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