i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
