Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
