meet me or not, i'm out of control
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
