just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
