I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
