I can tuck mytits in my pants
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize