We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
