Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
