Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
my nose is crying tears of wow.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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