he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
