Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
