how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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