BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
