so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize