If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
