Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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