We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
