In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
