just come out here and I will go home with you...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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