I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
