I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
