Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
