we made out on top of his cat.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's blow job season.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
