It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
