Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
