Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
