So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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