she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
