She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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