last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
