No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
