Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
