i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
