I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
