i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
