Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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