I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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