My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
