He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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