Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
