my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
