She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
